And You Thought Only Vampires Slept in Coffins

How often have you forigiven someone, then found yourself stewing about the offense later? Do you wonder if you really forgave them in the first place? If so, why do you find yourself needing to do it again? What is forgiveness anyway?

If we truly examine ourselves honestly, I'll bet we can all come up with incidences that still bother us, hurt us, offend us, tick us off. I could go on. If we are alive, something someone did, sometime, somewhere is bothering us. If you have never been hurt, you haven't been living life.

So what does it really mean to forgive? Recently, it was described as the ability to wish someone who offended us well and to no longer desire revenge or to harm the other person. Someone else told me it means that the relationship returns to the way it was before the offense. The offense is completely forgotten, disregarded as though it never happened. Others have said the offense is forgiven, but not forgotten, and that the relationship can be good, but never the same again. Where is the truth? As Christians, what is expected of us? There are several scriptures about forgiveness, as well as the ultimate example of forgiveness in God's forgiveness of our sins, through the sacrifice of Jesus. But reading scripture and thinking it sounds like a good idea is one thing. Walking the walk is another when we are in pain, isn't it?

Yet, in Matthew 18, he tells us this parable of the unmerciful servant:
21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy times seven.
23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.
29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’
30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.
32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

I was recently listening to Christian radio while driving, and I heard a pastor addressing this issue. He said that a person had told him that he couldn't let people in emotionally because he had been hurt before. The pastor asked him if he enjoyed sleeping in his coffin. The man was confused and a bit put off by this comment and asked what he meant. The pastor answered that life is full of times when we get hurt. But we have the unique ability to ask for help from God to forgive, and move on, and get past the hurts. Insulating ourselves emotionally might seem like a neat and tidy solution, but what we are really doing is climbing into our coffins prematurely. God put us here and breathed life into us so that we can live life, love one another, and learn from the journey. We become stronger through trials. By allowing God to bring us through them, we gain strength, wisdom, knowledge and most importantly, faith that God can bring us through any situation. In short, live life.

I've heard someone use the excuse, "Well, I've been hurt before. I guess I'm just weak, because I don't want to be hurt again. So I don't really get close to people." What a load of rubbish! Everyone has been hurt if they are alive. That's not a unique experience. We don't have a right to wallow in self-pity. It's a poor excuse for unforgiveness. If someone hurts us, it's not a choice to build a monument to the event and hold it up as a shield against other people who have not hurt us. It's just plain unacceptable and lazy. Jesus didn't say forgiveness would be easy. He said forgive.

In Psalms we are warned that we must forgive so that we can serve God:
"But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you."Psalm 130:3-5
and in Colossians 3, we learn it is part of what makes us a new creature in Christ:
12So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience;
13bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.

In this chapter, he also reminds us that to live as the old man, is to be one of the "sons of disobedience" who is worthy of his wrath.

So we must make ourselves become vulnerable to those who would like to befriend us. We also may need to examine why we become offended. Are we too easily offended? Do we fail to give our fellow humans the benefit of the doubt, and therefore become prickly? In my experience, forgiveness involves a dose of soul-searching. It also requires courage to go to the other person and tell them what has offended you. It also takes courage to admit your own part in the situation. We've all heard the addages, "It takes two to tango," and "There are two sides to every story." True forgiveness requres us to own our own mistakes and taking responsibility for making the situation as right as we can. In Danny Silk's book, "A Culture of Honor" he says, we have to clean up our own messes. The Golden Rule pops up here, too, because we need to treat the other person as we would like to be treated in this delicate situation. It might be quite satisfying to our carnal nature to give them a piece of our mind, say "I told you so," or something similar, but how would that make you feel if they turned that around on you? Tread lightly and pray, pray, pray.

Nextly, we must rely on God's ability to supernaturally help us to forgive. Corrie Ten Boom told of her experience in the concentration camps in World War II. God performed many miracles for her and her sister. But one guard seemed to have it out for her sickly sister, and beat her. Eventually, her sister died of typhus in the camp. She hated the guard and intended to continue hating him. Then, after the war, she truly accepted Jesus, and at a meeting one night, the speaker introduced a man to the crowd, saying he had been a guard at the camp, was a new Christian, and felt deep remorse for his role in the abuse and death that happened. She recognized him as the guard she had sworn never to forgive. She fought another war in her heart as the Holy Spirit urged her toward him and to forgive him. She couldn't do it on her own. But she struck a bargain with God that if she just extended her hand to clasp his in a handshake, then God would do the rest and provide His forgiveness to her, as she felt she had none to give. Because she loved God, and knew his sacrifice he had made to forgive her while she was still a sinner, she extended her hand. She wrote that forgiveness literally poured over her head and down her arm. God had supernaturally provided the forgiveness. She was able to see him for the poor, pathetic man who genuinely regretted his actions, and she felt what forgiveness really was.

I don't think I have a neat and tidy description of what forgiveness is. It may change and grow over time, as relationships are more fully restored, and we are more fully able to love our fellow man again. Maybe we forgive, and extend grace, then learn to trust. Maybe that's when it is forgotten. Maybe we aren't meant to forget, so that then we can testify to God's greatness in overcoming evil. Maybe forgiveness is what sets us apart from the world. I only know it's not optional.

I've Been Spiritually Abused. There I Said It.

What is it about going into a church that makes us put all of our natural defenses aside, and WHY have I been doing it all these years? NO MORE. I've trusted without scrutiny, and made positive assumptions about pastors and church leaders far too long. I guess you could say I have more than given them the benefit of the doubt. Why did I do that?



I assumed pastors and church leaders held themselves to the same high standards I held them to. Of course, I know they are mere men. But there's something about mere men who spend their days nurturing their image as men who are wise in the ways of the Kingdom of God, who advise those who look up to them in how to get into Heaven and make their soul and spirit right with God, that makes me think they should be trusted with those very parts of their parishioners. Alas, I have been wrong all these years.



When the first pastor abused my already hurting and abused spirit, I was so very injured to begin with, that I just believed it had to be me. I wasn't worthy of respect, so I didn't get it. That's just the way life was for me. I felt I didn't deserve to be valued, so I didn't defend myself, even though I was crying out inside that he was lying, that he was wrong, and that he was the one with the perverse mind in the whole situation. See, I attended a week-long "revival" at my church. The visiting minister invited the teens to a class each evening that week that he would teach. He taught a lesson using a popular rock song as an object lesson. Looking back, it was shallow and not very insightful, but it was more interesting than the lessons we usually got at that church. I attended each night and participated in the class. I confided some of the problems I had at home, and they were plenitful at that time, and he seemed to take an interest, prayed for me and gave me advice. He gave all the teens his address and invited us to write to him, which I did once a couple months later, seeking his advice again about my home situation. To say I was desperate for someone to reach out and tell me God loved me would be an understatement. Instead, I got a letter back which was angry and cursory telling me I had obviously allowed transference to take over and that I had become overly attached to him and that it would be inappropriate for us to continue to correspond. I felt ill. I had no attraction to him. I was dating a boy, I had numerous friends, and an active social life. He was married with children, and just the thought of what he was suggesting made me nauseous. Once again, I had been slapped down and made to feel like gum on the bottom of someone's shoe, just when I really needed someone to extend a hand of support. I showed the letter to my homechurch pastor and he forbade me from defending myself to the guy. They close ranks quickly, don't they?

What's so abusive about that situation? He is someone who signed up to lead people to Christ, to point them to the Kingdom in the midst of their problems and teach them what it means to follow Him. He dangled the carrot of sympathy and understanding in front of us, then didn't follow through. He prepared an object lesson, presented it, and when he actually caught a fish, he threw it back in. What a miserable excuse for a fisherman...or a pastor.

There have been several more examples of abuse from pastors and churches in my history. I will address them in future entries. It's just time to heal. I hope this will spur that process for me. I take hope in knowing that because Jesus lives inside me, He was there. He saw everything and felt my pain and humiliation and worthlessness. He bore it on the cross, and I don't have to anymore. I keep telling myself that...

Have School Administrators Gone Completely Mad?

I started my day perusing a news blog, and came across another example of how far afield common sense has been flung from our schools and their administrators. In contrast, as evidenced in the newsfeed of my facebook wall, there are a lot of patriotic, grateful people in my circle of friends. They love their country and appreciate every sacrifice our men and women of the armed forces have made on our behalf. I would venture to say those of us who feel that way are in the majority. But sometimes I have to wonder.

You see, Elissa Harrington, of Fox 40 News, reports that a Sacramento, CA boy has been made to remove the American flag he was waving to be patriotic and to honor veterans in his family from his bicycle this week, after citing the "fear of racial tensions or uprisings" and that "some kids had been complaining about the flag and it was no longer allowed on school property." I know. It's mind-boggling, isn't it? It's shocking to us normal "folks" isn't it, that these school administrators can be so hostile to our own country's flag and have the power to disallow it on school property?

Why? Why are you shocked? The persons who are making these decisions have come up through a system. It's not private and secret. It's a public system. In many cases, these people in authority over our children were elected to their positions. At the very least, they were hired by people we elected. It wasn't people in Russia or China who elected these people. We did. Us. The ones who are so shocked by their philosophies, which they are passing onto our children, had them they day they were elected. We just didn't care enough to find out at the time. We didn't ask the difficult questions and insist that they answer them.

And another thing I want to find out is who the hell are "some children"? I have had some recent experience with "some children" being offended by something mundane. I need to ask you people if your children are easily offended. Are they your children? Could you please ask you children? I'm positive it's not my children. I've asked them. But I think it's time we find out who these poor children are, don't you? It's urgent that "some children" get psychological counseling for their irrational fears. Whoever is raising them is obviously unfit to prepare them for life as an adult. They should be removed from their parents' custody. Call Social Services! Schedule an intervention! Somebody please help these poor children!

Let me tell you about my experience with "some children." Recently, I received a telephone call from our local public school district's Bus Director. He said that "some children" had seen my six-year-old son, who is homeschooled, playing with his Nerf gun in our backyard as they rode by in the school bus. You see, the bus stop is right across the street from our backyard. Three (maybe four) times a day, a school bus stops there to pick up or drop off children, including my older children, who attend public school. Apparently, my son had a Nerf gun in his hand as he waited for his brother and sister to cross the street as they arrived home. Apparently, "some children" were "concerned" about my son's Nerf gun, which by the way had no foam darts inside, and on this particular day, was strung with brightly colored mardi-gras beads, just because he thought they looked nice. You see, my son has some special needs, which I think are best addressed at home. The conversation with the Bus Director, had me looking around the room for Rod Serling, but sadly, it was a real conversation, with a full-fledged member of the p.c. police, asserting his right to control every aspect of my family's lives because we have the audacity to live next to his kingdom of influence, better known as a bus stop. I expressed my disbelief that any of those children hadn't seen, held, fired, played with or received the exact toy for Christmas last year. I don't know a single child in my town with a fear of Nerf guns. In fact, quite the contrary. They generally run at each other giggling, saying "Shoot me! Shoot me!" So to say I was incredulous is an understatement. I asked how many six-year-olds he had seen around town brandishing assault weapons lately. His response was that in Ethiopia they do that all the time. I did point out that we don't live in Ethiopia. We live in the U. S. A., since he didn't seem to be aware of that fact. I do try to be helpful person, after all. He said, "Well, I just wanted to call and ask you politely first." First. Hmm. Wondering what came second, I told him thanks for calling and hung up. Then I went to facebook to vent and suggested a few other things our school district might focus on rather than my family's activities in and around our home, like find a way for our school district to meet annual yearly expectations, or raise our children's writing scores over 50%.

Well, this past Wednesday, we found out what came second when my husband received a phone call from our local police chief, who is also an acquaintance, who made some small talk, and in an embarrassed, hesitant conversation, told my husband that the Bus Director had called him to report our son playing with a Nerf gun in his own backyard last week. The poor guy! My husband felt so sorry for him having to call and have such a ridiculous conversation. My husband asked if our son had broken any laws. Of course, the answer was "no." We didn't really have much to say, as it's just one of those situations that is just embarrassing for all those involved because it isn't rational.

What is the issue here, really? I believe it is the public school system becoming a government unto itself. The people who we elect to represent us in supervising our school districts are not doing their jobs for us. They have conceded their authority to the administrators in those districts and to the unions who represent them. Common sense has flown out the window. It's time we take a real look at who we are placing into places of influence, because they need to have a firmer grasp of common sense, in the very least. Our children are too important to become casualties in the battle for political correctness. They shouldn't have to deal with it, period. They should be challenged by people who are striving to teach them to ask questions, think for themselves, and be superior in their endeavors, to care for the weak with dignity.

It's time to draw the line and say "Enough is enough. This far and no further!" Stop sitting by and allowing this behavior from your local officials just because it's someone else's child. It might be your child next week, and it might be a worse offense next week. Make a phone call, write a letter, vote in the local elections, tell your friends. Be a citizen who uses your freedoms before those freedoms are eliminated by sheer apathy. Stop yelling at the television and direct it where it belongs, for all our sakes.

Musings and Mutterings

I've recently had a rather eye-opening experience in that some of the people whom I thought were my friends have come out as more like "frenemies." The depth of their love has turned out to be less than that of the tread on my van, and that's not saying much. Maybe you've experienced a similar situation in your life, as well. Oh, well, as they say, fool me once....

My family and I are off to celebrations for the Fourth of July holidays, even though it's only the third, but that's when the celebrations are being held, so off we go. Then dinner with some people who are true friends, and fireworks later. Happy Independence Day!

Another summer season of political frustration...love it

Well, it's the summer "town hall" and "constituent meetings" for our esteemed elected officials. Many politicians are still stinging from the slap in the face they received last summer and the negative feedback they've received while they were repeated shoving debt down our throats. Imagine that! We've FINALLY taken notice of them and they don't like it! After 9/11 all the news pundits were talking about the fact that the terrorists had woken a sleeping giant. Well, I think the politicians who feel they are only doing business as usual have finally taken it too far and have woken that same sleeping giant...the average American citizen whose best weapon is their vote. The politicians seemed to be so offended that we weren't just allowing them to line their PAC's pockets, to enrich lobbyists and unions' pockets as usual without scrutiny. Absolute power certainly does corrupt absolutely and Washington stinks to every corner of this country, we were finally awakened to the stench. When there is a stench in my house, I go looking for it to rid the house of the offensive odor. So it goes at the polls where Americans are systematically attempting to rid our beloved country of the slimy, decaying mess that our political incumbents have become. I say, don't let up! Keep shouting until they listen. Don't let their posturing and self-righteousness put you off! They are relying on the belief that you will lose interest again and leave them to their own devices to wreak havoc on our beloved Constitution and trample on our rights so they can have the unlimited power and authority they crave. Keep calling their offices, keep organizing and attending rallies, support the causes you love and oppose the ones you don't. Be vigilant against attempts to regulate our speech rights, the freedom of the media that can be our eyes, ears and voices. Be aware of issues that can deeply touch our lives, like the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child. BE EDUCATED, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! READ the laws they want you to live by. REALLY LEARN if they should be supported. Don't just believe the talking heads. They lie! Learn for yourself. Vote for yourself. Speak for yourself. Wake up. You are a citizen. Use that right.

Assumptions about me

When I was in sixth grade, I met my favorite teacher. He was my homeroom teacher and math teacher. What made him my favorite? He treated us like we really had the potential to do great things. He told us we had potential and that he expected us to live up to it. He set the bar high and expected and encouraged us to reach for it. He supported our efforts and treated us like people. He also taught us to approach life with integrity, both by example and by teaching us what integrity involves. For example, he taught us that one should never make assumptions. His favorite expression was "Making assumptions almost always makes you look like a fool." At the time, I told him I disagreed with him and told him so. He didn't ridicule me, he just said he respected my opinion and agreed to disagree with me. He waited until I, inevitably, made a foolish assumption, and then pointed out my folly. Not to humiliate me, but to make a memorable impression upon me. The result of that is that I do not make assumptions about people blindly. If I make an assumption, I go into it knowing I could be putting my foot in my mouth and, consequently, making a fool of myself. I also recognize that by making an assumption about someone or something, I don't know that much about them in the first place. If I knew definitively, I wouldn't need to make an assumption in the first place, would I?

So, where am I going with all this? To express my disgust with the rampant assumptions that are relied upon for decision-making in America. Our elected lawmakers assume that we average American citizens trust them. Wall Street bank/investment firms assume that they deserve bonuses exceeding the GNP of most developing nations. Politicians assume charm and hyperbole will smooth over the latest lie they are trying to perpetrate on the American public.

Here's what this average housewife thinks, as if anyone really cares but me:
I think I'm frustrated with the citizens of this nation casting their ballots based on media spin and the candidate with the most media savvy and media exposure.

I think I'd like to see politicians really talking to their constituents, and then taking what they learn back to their staffs, rather than vice versa.

I believe 80% of this country has no representation in Congress at all. They don't want to vote for the people on the ballot, but our system affords them very few choices.

I think I'd like people to value children and the future of our country enough to reform the education system so it actually educates children, not just attempts to remediate them.

I think people with differing political opinions should behave as adults and agree to disagree without rancour. Perhaps we can be good examples for the politicians and journalists.

I think it's tragic that many citizens of this great nation have stopped striving for excellence, but instead revel in their lack of education and drive to improve.

I think it's sad that so many people think the way to obtain an ipod, or anything else, is to steal it.